Dealing with Bereavement when freelancing - Justin McDonnell shares his experience.

My mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given less than six months to live.

Obviously, freelance work wasn’t my priority, but I had no option but to continue working. I was also supporting her care and wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

I’d just started a three-month contract at the time, so it made things difficult. But life doesn’t stop for grief.

I partially relocated to my hometown while continuing to pay rent in London. If was in a more comfortable financial situation, I would’ve forgotten about work entirely and left my contract to spend more time with her.

When navigating cancer and bereavement, the vagaries of office life feel quite silly and abstract. Your perspective changes, and it’s surreal sending little emails when it feels like the ground is shaking beneath you.

When she passed away, I had a funeral to arrange, plus all of the admin that death brings. I realised then that I couldn’t sustain freelancing, at least for a few months. So I signed on to Universal Credit and looked into professional support from grants and charities.

I think I underestimated the emotional impact grief would have and how that dysregulation affects your capacity to work creatively.

Thankfully, the Journalist’s Charity and the Society for Authors were able to help, and that gave me the time and space I needed to grieve.

I was also diagnosed with ADHD and autism around the same time, so there was a lot to navigate. Perhaps the biggest challenge for me was understanding my limitations and intentionally reducing my workload.

I’ve learned as a freelancer to never turn work down. My natural tendency is to be productive in times of crisis, and I had to stop leaning on productivity as a way to escape these big emotions. You need time to sit with them instead.

I remember feeling a sense of guilt that I hadn’t performed all that well this year–what would recruiters think when they only saw one client on my LinkedIn for all of 2023?

It’s easy to fall into a mindset where productivity becomes your salve, but it only delays grief momentarily– it will catch up on you.

Did you feel like you were prepared or had anything in place to make it a little bit easier? What things would have been helpful to have in place?

The chaos of cancer forces you into an uncomfortable twilight zone that I think no one is really prepared for.

But it would have been helpful to have some savings in place. I was already seeing a therapist, and I think that relationship helped me navigate some of the worst moments. When things became unmanageable, I remember thinking is there anyone who can help me with this workload?

If you’re a copywriter, perhaps lean on your network to find someone who can support your projects–that would’ve been a godsend at the time.

Also, I looked towards my Friends and family; Literature and podcasts on grief; and professional societies (like I mentioned, I received financial support, but they can also help with providing things like therapy to help you deal with bereavement).

How did you manage your workload and clients?

I communicated with my clients quite early on, and they were lovely. My line manager had experienced grief herself, and she couldn’t have been kinder.

Some commissioning editors weren’t so great about it–when I explained the reasons why the work was late, one just recommissioned the piece, which doesn’t make you feel great.

Communicate early with your clients, and be brutally honest with yourself. Take things off your plate; don’t pile it up.

My ability to work as usual was diminished, and I let my client down, even with the concessions they made.

I still feel guilty about that, but realistically, I should’ve left the contract role in the first month or so. I think I underestimated the emotional impact grief would have and how that dysregulation affects your capacity to work creatively.

If I were navigating bereavement again, I would try to be totally honest with myself from the outset and not push on with business as usual. Reducing the days worked would’ve really helped (from five days to one or two per week) so you don’t feel totally disconnected from your life.

After I returned to work, I had one quite miserly client who had really high expectations of freelancers (I was expected to jump on calls at any moment and produce fabulous work from obscure briefs). I explained that I was experiencing bereavement, and I wasn’t sure if I could continue working with him. His response was pretty much, ‘Okay but what about this brief?’. I think bereavement can alter your perspective of your self-worth. I want to avoid the untrue cliche here of ‘grief makes you stronger’, but it certainly changes what you’ll put up with.

What advice would you give to fellow freelancers in order to better prepare for or cope with this experience?

Save! Have savings. Put whatever you can aside, so that money isn’t what you’re worried about when grief strikes.

Communicate early with your clients, and be brutally honest with yourself. Take things off your plate; don’t pile it up.

Avoid Linkedin, as it’ll just make you feel bad. Try to resist comparisons with others who are nailing commissions and clients. You’ve just experienced the most profound event to happen to a human, and it takes time to catch up.

Once you return to work, listen to your internal compass. I personally found I couldn’t bear doing some of the less glamorous corporate work I used to do, I guess as I’ve realised life is shorter than we think.

As a result, I’m not seduced by the grind anymore, and work isn’t so central to my life.

Grief is unsettling. Be prepared for that shift.